


heartbeat

by strawberry_cider



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Body Worship, Character Study, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description of Injury, Guro, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Monsters in love, Paranoia, Relationship Study, Symbolism, Timeline What Timeline, not really but idk how else to tag it, spellings mistakes to be corrected later i’m tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25286491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_cider/pseuds/strawberry_cider
Summary: Jon gives Michael his heart.
Relationships: Michael | The Distortion/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> My friends and I went insane on discord for a couple of days so here is a fic inspired by it, enjoy ;*

The pain he felt as his sternum and his ribcage were broken into was agonising. The feeling of having his heart physically removed was not one Jon had words for. He watched the glistening red hand carefully take it out of the gaping hole made in him, and it was beating, continuing to pulsate despite no longer being connected to his body. Jon felt light-headed and his knees felt weak, but he was still standing, still alive.

Jon and Michael looked at the heart in the latter's palm. Jon could see dark crimson, dark blue and purple. The veins on it reminded him of the lines on flower petals. (Why was Jon thinking of such details in a moment like this?) Thick blood was dripping between Michael's blades for fingers, onto the carpet of the hallways. Michael didn't care. Both he and Jon were entranced by the grotesque scene. The heart was still moving, still beating, and Jon was still alive in front of it. Jon felt a sickness in the pit of his stomach as he did when facing anything gruesome, but he also felt fascinated. He didn't expect it to work. He won't tell Michael, though. All's well when it ends well.

Michael took his eyes off the bleeding heart and looked at Jon. He was smiling wide, giddy like a child who received a present, and Jon couldn't help smiling back. He was accustomed to Michael and his ways by now. Such as flirting by complimenting the colour of his veins (that they look like cornflowers) and guarding his sleep without letting him know beforehand. But Jon grew fond of them as he became fond of Michael. And Jon had to admit he was more knowledgeable about the supernatural and the entities than he was.

It was Michael's idea to take this measure to keep Jon safe. It started as another one of his bizarre compliments, that if Jon were to die, Michael would take out his heart out and keep it in the hallways forever. Jon found it romantic as much as he found it morbid, but this scenario got the two of them thinking. Jon's body could heal, as the Eye wasn't going to let its Archivist simply die, but that was not a guarantee either. His body could still be destroyed beyond repair. Skin can regenerate and bones can fuse back together, but not if there is no skin and bones left at all. Therefore, in order for Jon to survive, there should be a part of him put away to safety, away from danger, from which he can revive if needed. An insurance in case all goes to hell, from which he can start over.

Michael leaned down to kiss Jon's forehead, promising to return quickly. Jon watched him disappear down the endless hallway. Jon still felt a sweet ache in his chest, but not the spike in his pulse. Jon took hold on his own wrist and couldn't feel anything. He pressed his fingers hard against his neck and nothing there either. Jon hesitated before putting his hand inside the hole in his chest. He met no obstacle and inside it was very warm. The tips of his fingers brushed against the tissue of his lungs and his hand flew out, feeling his lunch rise in his throat. _It felt strange, to put it mildly_. It was strange to no longer feel something he felt his entire life. Something he knew, logically, he needed to still be alive and waiting for Michael. But he's in his hallways, so out the window goes logic. And he's no longer human, so he shouldn't be so surprised. If he was still a human before, he sure as hell wasn't anymore. Can he still bleed without a heart pumping blood?

Jon's thoughts were interrupted by Michael returning. He was so excited, he was nearly skipping.

“Listen.” Michael said, quietly and unable to hold his smile down.

Jon smiled and listened. He wasn't sure what Michael meant, until he heard it. It was difficult to tell if he was hearing or feeling it in the air, in the walls around them, but there was a very very faint thump... thump... thump... somewhere very very far away, at the unknown end of the maze. Jon could feel it reverberate in his empty chest. It picked up pace as he realised it.

“That's you!” Michael giggled and kissed Jon before he could respond. Jon kissed him back, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He could already feel his chest closing up. The heartbeat felt so... adequate in the hallways. Like it had always been there and Jon just now noticed it. Like that was where it was meant to be all along.

*

Jon was slowly getting used to no longer having a heartbeat. If he focused he could feel it, very far away. Michael assured him that it is more than safe - he himself has to take a while to get to it. Jon could sometimes feel it when Michael was near it. He could feel him caress it with the back of his fingers and kissing it gently, reverently. It made Jon blush and smile bashfully to himself. He was in love. He somehow loved even more without a heart.

Michael, too, was in love. Jon could see it clear as day. Michael was deliriously in love, now that Jon's heart was part of his being, that Jon's love was combined with his own within him. Michael was fully aware of how much he was cared for and he could feel it to his bones, he could feel all the affection Jon harboured for him, even if he did not always have the courage to say or show it in person. It was an intoxicating, addicting feeling. Michael loved love! He wanted to be in love forever! He diligently looked after Jon's heart, keeping it safe, not letting any of his wanderers get anywhere near. It was his most precious possession, his _only_ possession. His hallways were himself and his body was only a physical manifestation of himself. Jon's heart was real. Jon's love was real. Michael felt more real just by being by it and listening to the gentle heartbeat. It was like listening to a lullaby. Jon's love calmed him, soothed him. It made him human again.

Oh, Michael was so so happy. This was the best decision that had ever been made. Everything was finally alright, for once. The world could end and he wouldn't notice it. He never felt such peace and restlessness at the same time. Love was a wonderful, stupefying thing. Love had been always associated with insanity and now he understood it, he understood it perfectly. It was all thanks to his beloved Jon. A whole new aspect of himself was opened and he was blissfully drowning in it.

Jon was happy for Michael. He was happy too. It was one of the only decisions he had made that he didn't regret since he became the Archivist. He finally did something right, at least for now. He wondered for how long this would be a good idea. He loved Michael, he didn't regret giving away his heart, figuratively and literally, but that was just how his mind worked. He could never be truly happy, truly carefree, like Michael. There always had to be something to worry about. If there wasn't, he worried about the absence – there was always something happening, something going on, an enemy waiting to pounce, a ritual in the making, another nightmare slowly creeping near. How could he be sure he was truly safe? What if someone knew his heart was with Michael? Would they hurt Michael to get to it? Was he being lulled in a false sense of security by this apparent silence and peace? Was someone coming towards his office of Michael's door right now?

“Jon?” Michael asked. Jon gasped and jumped to his feet, startling Michael back.

“What are you doing here?” Jon asked.

“Your heart was beating wildly.” Michael explained. “Is everything alright?”

“I, uh, yes...” Jon stuttered. His heart still beat and reacted even if he didn't feel it.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes... M-Michael, I need to see my heart.”

“Of course. But why? Are you sure you're alright?”

“Yes, yes, I just need to see it. Please.”

Michael took a step to the side to let Jon walk inside his door. As soon as he did, Jon heard his own heart, echoing rapidly. It made him uneasy, which made it do it more.

“Jon, please tell me what's wrong.” Michael said.

“I want to see my heart, that's all.”

Michael furrowed his brows and seemed to want to say something, but didn't and offered Jon his wrist. Jon took it, holding Michael's hand above the thumb, where he wouldn't get cut. It felt like they had been walking for a very long time. For all Jon knew, they have been there for days or only a couple of minutes. The tediousness of the act calmed his heart and it was no longer drumming in his ears.

“Here it is.” Michael said, quietly, and indeed there it was. Still as fresh as when Michael took it out of Jon's chest, defying nature and physics. Jon calmed even more at the sight of the disembodied organ. It was indeed safe. He expected to feel anxious again as soon as he turned his back to it and returned to the Institute, but at least he knew how it looked like in Michael's hallways.

Michael watched Jon in silence, waiting for a reaction. He saw the tension in Jon's body be released and he saw him sigh, both in relief and exasperation with himself. Michael wondered what it used to be like to have organs. He couldn't remember. He idly wondered if Jon could make him have a proper body as he had made him feel love. Michael wishes he could also give something to Jon, but, as it had been mentioned, he didn't have much in the physical sense. And it's quite hard to top a heart. Oh, well.

Jon watched Michael walk up to his heart and picking it up in his palm. Michael brought it to his lips to kiss it, and Jon felt it, making his face flush.

“It is safe here, you needn't worry.” Michael said, putting it back and making his way to Jon. “I won't let anything happen to it, or you. You can trust me.” He said, unable to stop a smile at the irony of it all. Love made people act to strangely, indeed.

*

When he didn't have anything in particular to do, Michael stood guard at Jon's heart. He curled around it, not unlike a cat. On several he fell asleep, and even dreamed! Oh, he loved Jon. For giving him this, for allowing him this, for everything. He is forever grateful. The least he can do is love Jon and soothe his worries. He is new to this, and Michael knew too well what it is like to be thrust against your will in something he barely understood. Michael wished he had someone like Jon from the start. An ally, a real, _genuine_ one.

One day, Jon's heart started beating erratically again. He was scared of something. Michael got to his feet and bolted to the Archives. Jon's heart was stammering, pausing and pulsing painfully, struggling. Someone was hurting Jon. The pulse grew quieter and quieter, fighting to keep going. Michael could hear it echo in his own head as he ran to the door, making his blood boil.

The door came into view, but before Michael could open it, somebody on the other side did. They ran inside and slammed the door shut behind themselves. They turned around and realised their mistake very quickly.

On the other side of the door, Jon lied on the ground. His head hurt almost as much as his chest. He didn't even see his attacker too well before they plunged a knife in his chest. They were an avatar, for no normal knife would have been able to do that like it did. Jon's chest looked like a broken window, the sharp shards pointing to a centre of impact. They realised quite quickly that Jon's heart was not where it was supposed to be, and hearing someone coming, they ran away. Jon could see in the corner of his vision the door, the colour of it at least. His vision was blurred and out of focus, muddling the colours together. Jon noticed his own eyelashes framing it all. How weird that when you are in shock you notice the smallest things, and not what's important, such as the bleeding cave that was now hist ribcage. Not that Jon could focus too well on the small things either. He could hear screams of worry above him and screams of terror behind the door, along with sounds of broken bones and ripping flesh, but he couldn't process them at the moment. They made his head hurt even more, he wished they would stop. The position he fell down in wasn't comfortable, but he couldn't move to change it, and it probably wasn't a good idea to try. He could feel his ear-shell folded against itself and his shirt becoming wet under him from the blood.

When the Distortion walked out, Jon thought it looked very scary. He couldn't remember seeing it like that, not even in the hallways. Michael must have lied about what his true formed looked like, then. This one was much creepier than what he showed Jon. It was hard to look at even with his blurry vision, and even without being able to see it clearly, Jon felt goosebumps and ice along his spine. His instincts told him to run away, but he wasn't sure if it would have made a difference. Jon thought Michael looked like cats do when they sit by a window and watch birds, simulating biting them, their jaws shivering in place and their teeth bared.

Jon opened his eyes. He wasn't sure when he closed them. Did he pass out? Probably. He tried to remember what happened, but he forgot. He could feel himself bleeding against Michael. He was in his office, he supposed, and then he was attacked, maybe? He was in the hallways now. His nose was against Michael's shoulder. He was being carried somewhere. Maybe to his heart? Yeah, that would be a good idea. That might help.

Michael eventually stopped walking and sat down against one of the walls, holding Jon close in his lap, his face hidden in his neck. Within a few minutes Jon's breathing became slow and regular. His heart was quiet, but still beating. Michael sighed and let his head back against the wall. A few of his locks fell over Jon's face. His own heart was still racing with agitation and fury. The perpetrator was punished and Jon was going to be fine, his wound was closing right before Michael, but just because it was going to be gone, doesn't mean it never happened. It was going to leave a nasty scar, just as Michael left one on Jon. It was going to be a permanent reminder of the encounter. Michael felt very cold at these thoughts and he pulled Jon tighter.

Jon stood very still. He was snoring quietly and Michael could hear his heart around them. If Michael weren't holding him, he would have slid off of him. Michael tried to focus on the endearing sight rather than his own dread. It wasn't easy with the wound just underneath his lover's face, but it wasn't the worst thing he ever saw.

*

The cartilage was almost back completely. Just a few gaps between the ribs were visible. It reminded Jon of Jane Prentiss' holes. The shade of pink of the tissue next to the old, brown blood dry on Jon's shirt looked good together, in Michael's opinion. Like strawberry and chocolate cake. Jon didn't argue. He also didn't try to stop Michael from fiddling with his cavity as it healed. It's not like there is anything he can injure, on purpose or accidentally. Well, his lungs... But Michael would leave his other organs alone, it was okay. He mostly felt around the edges of the wound, feeling the flesh from the inside and following the shape of the ribcage, silently studying Jon's inside. Jon couldn't read his expression while he was working on him, so he would watch in silence too, following with his eyes Michael's hand. His other hand held him from underneath his ribcage, from his waist, making Jon sit with his back straight, while still in his lap. Jon tried not to think about it too much since he realised where he was sitting, when he first woke up, to keep his heartbeat calm. He shouldn't feel so betrayed by it, as it saved him, but PDA will never not be embarrassing for him.

“All good?” Jon asked.

“I am no doctor,” Michael said, retracting his fingers, “but nothing seems to be out of order. Nothing is rotting.”

“... I'm glad.”

“I'm glad too. You will be alright. Just a few more days.”

“Yes.” Jon sighed. He smiled and drew his fingers through Michael's curls. “I'll be out of your hair soon.”

“I don't mind you being here. It's better, actually. You're safe here.” Michael paused for a moment. “...You should stay.”

“I can't stay here forever.” Jon said.

“Why not?” Michael asked, frowning and wrapping his arms around Jon's waist.

“There are too many things that need to be attended to.” Jon replied, bringing his other hand to pet Michael's head. “I can't just hide and not deal with them. Or worse, just sit passively and let them happen.”

“Can't your assistants do it? Isn't that why they are there?”

Jon frowned. “I don't want them to get hurt for me. You know I'm not like Gertrude.”

“I don't want you to get hurt either.”

“I'll be more careful.”

Michael narrowed his eyes.

“I will!” Jon said.

Michael still looked unconvinced. Jon brought both of his hands, hair still in them, to cup Michael's cheeks, making him look in his eyes.

“I entrusted you with my heart. Please trust me back. Could you?”

“I trust you.” Michael said. “It's everyone and everything else I don't trust. You are too naïve, Jon. You still trust people. And you're too stubborn, you don't ask for help when you need it. I have your heart, but it's not enough. It's only a small part of you. I love _all_ of you. I don't want it gone.”

“I'm not going anywhere.”

“You saw what happened. You are never safe, not as the Archivist. It's better you stay here. I can keep you safe and alive forever. We can try breaking away from the Eye.”

“You want me to join the Spiral, instead?”

“ _No_! No, no, that would be horrible! I don't want you to go through that too. But I don't want you to be out there either.”

“What should we do, then?”

“I... I want you to keep being you. I love you. Your heart is safe and secure, I want the rest of you to be like that as well. I don't want you to be broken again by someone else, and I would rather die than break you myself-”

“Look...” Jon sighed. “I don't think there is a point in hiding. It feels like no matter what I do, something will still slip through the cracks. There are so many things I don't know and I am not aware of. Becoming an avatar didn't change anything, if not made it worse. I can't predict what everything I know is out to get me will do. I can't predict _anything_!...”

“... What should we do, then?”

“... Try our best to carry on. I, hah, I can't just hand you over all my internal organs. And you can't constantly be my body guard.”

“I could try!”

“You don't have to. ...It will be okay, Michael. It's hard and awful and a pain in the ass, but we will survive, even _live_. It's a pain in the ass _we have to deal with this_ , but we must work with what we've got. I'll figure out how to be an avatar, the same way you did.”

Michael looked down and frowned again.

“And,” Jon continued. “what I've got is you. And it isn't so daunting when I know I have you, by my side and keeping me happy through all of this.”

“I should be saying that.”

Jon smiled and pulled Michael into a kiss. His heartbeat grew faster and louder as he felt hands roam up on him. Michael kissed down his chin, his neck and his collarbone until he reached the middle of his chest, which he kissed again and again, on the bare flesh and bone and on the new skin. Jon shuddered and wrapped his arms around Michael's neck, pulling him closer, watching him intently.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3  
> I hope you liked it :*


End file.
